The Hong Kong Buffet

The Hong Kong buffet is a strange experience, resembling a cross between a children’s birthday party and a football riot, with its pushing and elbowing, bickering and, occasionally, violence. Every diner behaves as though the food will not be replaced as it is consumed, so they to dive in and eat as much as possible, as quickly as possible. The average patron of a buffet is a respecter of neither age nor infirmity, and it is not uncommon too see toddlers trampled underfoot or the elderly shoved rudely aside as the ravenous mob descends upon the buffet table.

I have witnessed two smartly dressed middle-aged ladies engage in first a jostling, then an elbowing and then a shouting match b4 being dragged away by their companions. And this was over the final piece of smoked salmon.

There is a rush for what are deemed the most expensive or sophisticated delicacies, such as oysters or lobster. These items are piled unceremoniously on diners’ plates in a quivering tower which is quickly supported by other items from the table. There is no sense of gastronomic etiquette to plate-piling in this manner. It is not uncommon for a plate to hold cold foods and hot foods, roast meats and seafood, fish and pasta, sweets and savories at one time.

A typical plate will comprise of oyster sushi, tempura, char siu, roast beef and gravy, fried rice, brownies, watermelon, salad greens and cream cake. These are not apportioned to different parts of the plate but are crammed together thus allowing for more space into which still more food is crammed. The end result is an intermingling of flavors that will satisfy all parts of the palate simultaneously, and a variety of textures and aromas.

It is a dog-eat-dog scenario and it’s every glutton for himself. Queuing? Not likely. If you stand there, patiently, grasping your plate to your chest, you will go hungry. You have to be prepared to seize your opportunity. There are certain acknowledged buffet techniques, such as blocking or double-plating.

The blocker does not have to be physically imposing, just sufficiently determined to plant his weight firmly in front of the food with his elbows extended, effectively preventing anyone getting round, through or over him. He then helps himself to the items he desires, puling his plate with them, b4 shuffling on to the next station.

The double plater simply conducts the piling operation in duplicate. Strangely. While this provides him with the opportunity not to cross contaminate – hot with cold, meat with fish, sweet with savoury – he does not do this but merely piles up each plate with a tottering tower and dashes to his table b4 they collapse. Another version of double-plating, for the less dexterous, involves filling up one’s plate, returning it to the table and then straight back to the buffet to repeat the exercise. Only when there are two, sometimes three maybe four plates on the table, does one sit down and tuck in, with one eye on the oyster bar should a refill occur.

The first time I left a buffet feeling full, I knew I had conquered this unique culinary martial art.